Domestic violence also affects men, but their journey to seek help remains fraught with obstacles. A recent investigation reveals the specific difficulties faced by fathers who are victims, often overlooked by support services and society. These men must overcome barriers related to their masculine identity and their role as fathers, which delays their request for help and worsens the consequences for their children.
Accepting that they are victims is not easy for these fathers. Stereotypes about masculinity, which associate men with strength and control, push them to downplay or deny the violence they endure. Some only realize the extent of the situation after separation, when they gain perspective. Professionals, influenced by the same biases, sometimes struggle to recognize them as victims. Some fathers are even treated as abusers, which reinforces their distrust of institutions.
Their status as fathers further complicates matters. Many fear losing contact with their children if they speak out. Mothers, often seen as the primary protective figures, can use this position to threaten to limit visits or make false accusations. These pressures keep them in toxic relationships longer, prolonging their children’s exposure to a violent environment.
Children pay a heavy price. Witnessing conflicts, manipulation, or abrupt separations, they develop behavioral disorders, dark thoughts, or even self-harm. Fathers, aware of this suffering, desperately seek solutions. Yet, support services, designed primarily for mothers, often turn them away. The few accessible structures lack resources or direct them to inappropriate programs.
The fathers interviewed emphasize the urgent need for dedicated spaces where they can be heard without judgment. They also call for psychological support for their children to help them overcome trauma. Some have found compassionate professionals, but these initiatives remain isolated and insufficient.
Separation is not always an escape. Some fathers describe violence that continues through other means: judicial harassment, attempts to distance children, or the use of courts to prolong suffering. These situations, referred to as “post-separation violence,” are particularly destructive for children, caught between two conflicting parents.
Social services and schools, poorly trained in these realities, sometimes downplay the needs of children. Fathers are left alone to manage complex family crises, without tools or external support. Their struggle to protect their children is hindered by a system that struggles to recognize them as full parental figures.
This investigation shows that domestic violence knows no gender. Victimized fathers and their children need tailored solutions that take their specific needs into account. Without this, their isolation and distress are likely to persist, with lasting consequences for their health and that of their children.
Information Sources
Original Reference
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-026-01063-8
Title: Fathers’ Experiences of Help-seeking and Support Needs for Themselves and their Children Following Domestic Violence and Abuse: A Qualitative Study
Journal: Journal of Family Violence
Publisher: Springer Science and Business Media LLC
Authors: Bethan Pell; Emma Howarth; Loraine Bacchus; Kelly Buckley; Anne-Marie Burn; Rhiannon Evans; Graham Moore